From Darkness into Light
by chiroho
Summary: Post Twilight river in Egypt fic. Kate survives the shooting, but is injured and must recover. TATE. Complete.
1. Darkness

**Title:** From Darkness into Light  
**Author:** chiroho  
**Disclaimer:** All the characters belong to their respective creators, including Donald P. Bellisario, CBS Broadcasting Inc, and Paramount Pictures.  
**Setting:** River in Egypt fic for "Twilight"  
**Summary:** Kate doesn't die, but does get injured, and must recover.  
**Pairing:** Tony/Kate  
**A/N: **Thanks very much to Sue Corkill for the beta, and all the medical advice in writing this fic. I couldn't have got this done without her help. Thanks also to everyone who has given me feedback on my previous fics. It's very inspiring to get, and I'm very grateful.

* * *

**Darkness**

* * *

The darkness around you is thick, almost palpable. It surrounds and suffocates you, threatening to choke away your very life. You try to figure out where you are, but there is nothing but inky black - deeper even than you remember from the one time you went spelunking.

You call for help, but your voice sounds muffled, somehow internal. You cry louder, but to no avail. Finally you find yourself screaming for someone, anyone, as the sound of your voice fades slowly into the ever-present darkness.

* * *

"_You okay?"_

"_Owwwwwww. I just got shot at point blank range, DiNozzo. What do you think?"_

"_You're not going to be going to Pilates class tomorrow?"_

"_Ugh."_

"_Protection detail is over."_

"_You did good."_

"_For once, DiNozzo is right."_

"_Wow." You laugh at the thought of Gibbs actually telling Tony that he's right, then wince in pain from the massive bruising the bullet stopped by the vest did to your stomach._

_Suddenly everything goes black._

* * *

Time passes, and the darkness remains unchanged. It stifles and oppresses everything so much that you can barely even hear the sound of your own breathing.

Your mind wanders as you try and imagine where on earth you could be. It's amazing how you can feel comfortable, or at least less panicked, if a person knows where they are and why. You know that's something that everyone feels, but you don't know how or why you know that. Unfortunately, you don't know where you are, so you spend your time trying to figure it out.

* * *

"_What have you got?"_

"_GSW to the right temporal lobe. Definite skull fracture. Possible epidural hematoma. Pulse is 40 and weak, pressure 80 over 40. Significant blood loss. We thought we'd lost her at least once on the way here."_

"_She's going to need surgery. All we can do is try and stabilize things before sending her up."_

"_Get a blood sample. I want a type specific match and 4 litres on the rapid infuser, stat!"_

"_Sir? Sir? Sir! You're going to have to wait outside."_

"_Get him out of here! And see if you can't get him cleaned up before he realizes what's all over his face."_

"_She's crashing!"_

"_I'm pushing 1 milligram of epi. Someone get me the crash cart."_

"_Clear!"_

* * *

You notice that the darkness is no longer empty. A sound penetrates it, seeming to slither towards you. It is slow and constant, perhaps water dripping slowly onto a metal surface.

Yet the sound is somehow familiar. You know that you should recognize it – and yet the words to describe what you hear somehow elude you. It's like your brain doesn't want to remember. At least you're not in silence any more, even though you don't know what you're hearing.

* * *

"_What's your assessment, Doctor?"_

"_Agent Todd made it through the surgery, Doctor Mallard. There was an epidural hematoma, and she's experienced some minor cranial swelling. She's lucky the shot just clipped the side of her head."_

"_If she was lucky, that bastard would have missed!"_

"_Easy, Tony. Is there anything we can do, Doctor?"_

"_Nothing really. She's in a coma now, and may be for some time. We're going to transfer her up to Bethesda tomorrow for follow up care. They have better facilities for rehabilitation. One of you can stay with her, if you'd like."_

"_I'll stay."_

"_Are you sure, Tony? Yes, of course you are."_

* * *

You notice something else in the darkness - something more than the ever present drip, drip, drip of whatever it is. It's a smell that reminds you of cleaning. It's another thing you know you should remember, but just can't seem to place.

But there is something else, another smell that is so tantalizingly familiar, something that is both suede and musk at the same time, with a hint of spices. It's a smell that brings a sense of comfort with it, though somehow tinged with both amusement and anger. You struggle to remember, to put a name to the image, but you can't. It's just too hard.

* * *

"_You need to go home, DiNozzo. You've been here for two days straight. You need to get some rest."_

"_Are you listening to me, DiNozzo?"_

"_Snap out of it, DiNozzo! Now go home - that's an order!"_

"_Screw you, Gibbs! She didn't leave me and I'm not leaving her!"_

* * *

Something has changed. The dripping continues in the darkness, and the smells are no different, but something has changed. Before there was no temperature, no hot or cold. Now there is warmth. It's doesn't cover all of you. It's just there in a small area on your left side. Not touching your side, but there just beside you, touching your … hand. That's the word that you were looking for. Hand.

The warmth slowly spreads up your arm, giving you a slight tingling sensation as it does so. The darkness no longer seems so scary or intimidating, and the other unfamiliar things disappear back into the darkness.

* * *

"_Oh Caitlyn! What have they done to you?"_

"_Mrs. Todd? I'm Doctor Anderson, Kate's doctor. She received a gun shot wound to her head. The surgery went well, but there were some minor complications. Once she comes out of the coma, we expect that she'll eventually be able to make a full recovery."_

"_Eventually?"_

"_There are never any guarantees, Mrs. Todd, but she's breathing on her own, and that's a good sign. We just have to wait."_

"_She's going to be fine, Mrs. Todd. I know she is."_

"_Who are you?"_

"_Anthony DiNozzo. I'm Kate's partner."_

"_Were you there when ... When it happened?"_

"_I was standing right beside her."_

* * *

There is no sense of time in the darkness. You don't know whether you've been there for hours, days, or weeks. You're not even sure if it really matters. The darkness doesn't seem as frightening as it once did. The dripping sound is now comforting, as is the musky scent that comes and goes along with the warmth near your hand.

Even the darkness no longer scares you like it did at first. It's not comforting, but it's not as constricting as it once was, and it might even be getting a little brighter – though that could just be your imagination.

* * *

"_I'm worried about Tony."_

"_So am I, Abigail."_

"_You need to talk to him, Ducky. He looks terrible."_

"_You have to go home and get some rest, Anthony. Your body still hasn't fully recovered from the Y. pestis and you're running a slight temperature. You need to sleep properly. Staying here on a hospital bed isn't helping you."_

"_I can't leave her, Ducky. She stayed with me. I can't do any less for her."_

"_Abigail will stay with her Anthony, and her family will be here as well. She won't be alone."_

"_I have to stay with her. I don't want to leave."_

"_You won't be any good to her or anyone if you have to be re-admitted to hospital yourself."_

"_I know."_

"_Come on, Anthony. I'll drive you home."_

* * *

The light continues to brighten, and instead of total darkness you can now make out indistinct shapes. You realize that the dripping is actually a beeping noise and that the ceiling is a uniform off-white colour. You recognize the vague shape of a curtain rail that curves across the ceiling. Struggling to make the connection between the discrete elements, you finally realize that you're in a hospital. What happened? Why are you here?

You move your eyes slowly around the room, trying to focus the blurry images. Slumped in a chair you see a familiar figure, but you can't remember a name. The person has pigtails in her black hair. A memory tugs at you, but slips away when you try and think about it. What is her name?

You try and move your hand, but your muscles are weak, and all you succeed in doing is twitching your fingers. The figure in the chair doesn't notice, so you open your mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a weak croak. But it's enough.

"Kate!" The person in the chair jumps to her feet, wildly excited. "You're awake!" She runs over and grabs your hand. "Don't try and say anything. The doctors will be here in a minute." She leans over and does something out of your line of sight.

Kate? Could that be you?

"It's okay, Kate. You're going to be fine now. You're going to be fine." The smile fills her whole face. It's a smile that you remember well - but still can't place.

You notice movement by the door and a nurse enters the room. She pauses for a second, takes in the fact that you're awake, and then turns to leave. "I'll get the doctor."

It's not long before someone else comes into the room, a stethoscope draped around her neck, wearing the traditional doctor's coat over navy undress khakis.

"Hello Ms. Todd. I'm Doctor Anderson. You had us worried there for a while, but I'm very happy to see you awake. Let me give you a quick exam."

You open your mouth to speak, but once again can only manage a croak.

"Would you like a drink?" You flutter your eyelids as an affirmative. "Nurse, can you get Ms. Todd some water please?"

"Okay then. If you don't mind standing back Ms. Sciuto."

Sciuto. You can almost feel the connection that your mind is trying to make.

The doctor moves around you, making a note of your pulse rate and blood pressure. She also does something to your head, something that sends a shock of pain through you.

"I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"

The nurse comes back with a cup and a straw, and the doctor motions for her to hold it up to your mouth. Sipping the water is difficult, but not impossible, and you only realize how dry your throat has been once you get some moisture in there. You take a few sips while the Doctor continues her examination.

"Can you feel this?" She's touching your hand.

"Yes," you manage to croak.

"What about this?" This time it is your foot.

"Yes."

"That's good."

"What happened?" Your voice sounds very harsh and raspy.

The doctor looks at the woman who was in the room earlier, who shrugs.

"You were admitted with a gunshot wound to your head. We had to operate to repair a skull fracture and remove an epidural hematoma."

A gunshot wound to the head? How did that happen? You remember a blue sky, a light breeze, an ache in your stomach. You were laughing at something. Even Gi-

"Gibbs!"

The doctor looks again at the other woman, who answers. "He's fine, Kate. Well, perhaps fine is the wrong word. He's really more Gibbs than fine, and Gibbs in a bad mood at that. He's been making my life miserable all week."

There is something else, maybe someone else. Something you know you can't quite remember, but you know is vitally important. Suddenly the woman's words hit you.

"All week?"

The doctor frowns. "You have been in a coma for a little over a week, Ms. Todd."

Your mind races, and the doctor obviously sees your expression change.

"It's not at all unusual in cases like yours. Please don't be concerned. Right now you need to get some more sleep though, so I'm going to give you a mild sedative. You're not going anywhere for a while."

She pulls something from her pocket and moves over to where you know your IV must be. The world slowly darkens again, but it's not the thick darkness of before.

* * *

"_She woke up and you didn't tell me?"_

"_She was only awake for a few minutes before the doctor sedated her again. She needs to sleep Tony, and so do you!"_

"_I can't believe I wasn't here!"_

"_Tony, you've been here non-stop for days. A few hours away didn't hurt."_

"_I needed to be here when she woke up, and I wasn't. I wasn't here when she needed me."_

"_I'm sorry, Tony. I truly am."_

"_Did she say anything?"_

"_She just asked about Gibbs."_

"_Nothing else?"_

"_She really wasn't awake for more than a few minutes."_

"_You can go, Abbs. I'll stay with her tonight."_

"_Make sure you take care of yourself, Tony."_


	2. Dawning

**Dawning **

* * *

This time when you awake, everything isn't as blurry, and you think you can see some sunlight peeking through the shades on the windows behind you. The room is quiet, and you don't see anyone sitting in the chair, but there is the noise of someone breathing and you feel the bed move slightly.

Turning your head very slowly, you see the top of another person's head resting on their arms down near the foot of the bed. They'd dragged over another chair so that they could sit next to the bed. You can't make out the face, but the hair is short and brown. Then you smell a hint of suede and musk that you remember from the darkness. The smell is fairly strong, and you guess it must be coming from the man who is sleeping. Who is he?

You sniff again, and the scent overwhelms your memory. You remember laughter and sadness, anger and affection, worry and reassurance. Where did these feelings come from and who is this man to provoke them?

You find that someone has left the call button underneath your hand, and you try and press it. After several uncoordinated attempts you finally succeed. Lying back, you wait for the nurse to arrive, clenching and unclenching your fist as you wait. The more you move your hand, the easier it seems to be to control.

An attractive nurse enters the room and smiles when she sees the sleeping man. That too seems familiar somehow, and you experience a momentary stab of outrage, or even jealousy, over it. Strange, that this man can cause so many feelings to rise in you even when he's asleep.

"Good morning, Ms. Todd. Doctor Anderson left instructions that you could try to eat something if you're interested. Would you like to try?"

"Yes, please." You notice your voice sounds better this morning.

The nurse first moves the man back off the bed and rolls the chair away slightly, then raises the top of the bed so you're in a more upright position. As she does this you look closely at the man. The first thing you notice is how attractive he is, even with sleep tousled hair and rumpled clothes. He seems very contented as he sleeps, but then you notice that his complexion has a grey tone to it, one that suggests something other than perfect health.

You turn to the nurse. "Who is that?"

The nurse looks at you strangely. "You don't know?"

"I feel as though I know him, but I can't quite remember who he is."

"Don't worry. It'll come back to you." The nurse smiled encouragingly, but you're sure there was a hesitation in her eyes.

The quiet conversation you're having with the nurse rouses the sleeping man, who yawns and stretches as he wakes. He obviously realizes where he is and immediately turns to look at you. The smile that lights up his face when he sees that you're awake simply blows you away. It's a smile that goes well beyond the mouth and into his eyes, but also somehow reduces the pallor of his complexion. It makes him seem more alive. You can't help but smile back at him in response as he leans forward and rests his hands lightly on the bed.

The problem is that you still don't know exactly who he is. You decide that it's time to take a chance.

"Are you Gibbs?"

The smile turns into a laugh as he responds. "Nope. He's shorter, has more grey hair, is constantly grumpy and carries a coffee cup everywhere. And I'm way better looking than he is."

You laugh at his description, but also can't help but notice the sudden look of anguish that appears in his eyes, even though it's masked by his joking response. The look jolts you like an electric shock and you're surprised at the level of your reaction. This man is obviously someone very important to you. Why can't you remember who he is?

Trying to make amends, you reach out your hand and place it on his. "I'm sorry. I don't seem to be remembering very much."

He exchanges a look with the nurse, but when he looks back at you, the smile is in his eyes once again.

* * *

"_I'm sorry, Agent DiNozzo. While there was always the possibility of short-term memory loss, we didn't think it had happened due to her asking for Agent Gibbs last night."_

"_How severe is the memory loss?"_

"_I'm not really sure as I haven't given Agent Todd a complete examination yet, but it's most likely not too severe. While she will probably never recall the events immediately prior to the time when she was injured, everything else will most likely return in the near future. It's really just a matter of keeping her with familiar people and putting her in familiar places and situations. Her memory could come back all at once, or it might return gradually, but it will come back."_

"_Thank you, Doctor."_

_

* * *

_

You're surprised to find that the morning passes fairly quickly. One of the doctors, you forget which, comes by to give you a thorough physical examination. Another you suspect is there for a psych consult stops by briefly as well, asking a few nebulous questions about what you remember.

Then your nurse comes by to get you into the bathroom and to bathe you. It is then that you see yourself in the mirror, and discover not only the heavy bandaging on your head, but that you also have no hair. Given that you know you were shot in the head, it isn't really surprising that they'd needed to shave at least a portion away, but you're surprised at how much. As you look, you see a flash of another face in the mirror, one brushing dark hair that's just below shoulder length. Where did that come from?

The nurse sees your expression and explains that they'd had to take most of your hair off to assess the trauma as well as perform the surgery. Due to the extent of the injury, they'd decided to go the whole way since it will look better if it grows back at the same rate. Not an easy thing to accept, but logical at least.

You felt rather light headed afterwards, and so you slept for a couple of hours, before someone came to deliver lunch. The food isn't much to speak of as they would hardly introduce steak to someone that has been fed by an IV for a week. The doctor seems pleased that you're able to feed yourself though – albeit slowly. Any step toward recovery is good.

The confusing thing is what to do about the man who never seems to have been far from your room. You don't know whether he's a boyfriend, husband, or something else entirely. He doesn't wear a ring, and you notice you're not either, so it seems unlikely he's a husband. A boyfriend perhaps? There are several occasions when you've seen something much more than just friendship in his eyes – times when he didn't think you were watching him. This is compounded because he doesn't really seem to know what to do with himself. You can tell he wants to stay, but the fact that you don't remember who he is has made that difficult.

You finally decide to have it out with him when the door to your room opens and a tall silver haired man walks in carrying a large coffee cup. From the earlier description, you guess this must be Gibbs. He walks over to the bed and begins without preamble.

"How are you feeling, Kate?"

You grimace. "Light headed. Sore. Bald."

"I'd noticed that you've affected a marine cut. Looking to sign up?" He smirks, in what you realize is probably his version of a smile. He glances around the room. "Where's DiNozzo?"

You look at him quizzically. "Who?"

Gibbs eyes focus back on yours, missing nothing. You almost feel like he's stripping away the layers around your soul, and you have to look away.

"Who am I?"

"You're Gibbs." You know you're working yourself into a corner.

"And I am?"

"I don't know." You sigh. "I had a flash of memory when I first work up, and your name came to mind. I don't remember anything more."

You can see the look of sympathy in his eyes. "I'm your boss."

As soon as he says it, you can almost hear the click in your mind as that piece of memory drops into place. You can picture a large open plan room, with shoulder height cubicle walls. Gibbs sits at the desk to the left of yours, behind a veritable wall of monitors.

"At NCIS?"

He smiles again. "Yup."

You laugh at his reaction and he frowns questioningly. "I think that's more smiling than you usually do in a week, Gibbs."

* * *

"_Are you still skulking around here, DiNozzo."_

"_Yes, boss."_

"_I don't suppose you're going to leave?"_

"_Not unless you're prepared to cuff me and drag me away kicking and screaming."_

* * *

After being so alert earlier in the day, you found yourself sleeping for a good part of the afternoon – which isn't entirely surprising given that you've spent a week in a coma. Dinner was pretty much more of same mostly liquid food, which was supposedly nourishing, but not exactly all that appetizing. Another dressing change and the day is almost over.

You haven't seen the man you guess must be DiNozzo for most of the afternoon. You've a weird feeling that he's around somewhere though, the sort of feeling that is emotional as much as intuitive. The sort of feeling that you only ever get for the closest people in your life – which still leaves you very confused about the nature of your relationship.

It's much later in the night when you awake to the sound of voices in the corridor. You can't make them out distinctly, but they sound like they're right outside your door.

"Doctor Anderson couldn't make it in tonight. I'm TAD from Norfolk. Doctor Ben Weinstein. I just want to check on our patient - make sure she's okay."

"No problem, Doctor. Let me know if you need anything."

You watch as the door to your room opens, and a man walks in and looks at the chart at the base of the bed. Apparently Doctor Weinstein is very much the tall, dark and handsome type – and then he looks up and sees that you're awake.

"Hello Caitlin. Did you miss me?"

The second his eyes meet yours, you know. You can remember being held hostage in Autopsy. You remember being pressed up against him, so close that you could feel his breathing through the bullet proof vest he wore. You remember looking into his eyes, and feeling the mixture of hate, understanding and attraction that somehow stopped you from stabbing him with the scalpel. You remember him drinking Chardonnay while he casually blew away Marta's brains. You remember him releasing you, after you explained to the Secret Service what was going to happen. You remember everything.

"It was never meant to come this far, my dear. You weren't supposed to make it off the roof alive. How else could I punish Gibbs but by taking away his dear Caitlin? And yet you moved just as I squeezed the trigger."

He walks closer to you and pulls a syringe out of the pocket of his lab coat. "I'm sorry, Caitlin. I have to correct the mistake I made."

The memories flood into your mind as you watch him walk closer – filling your mind so quickly that you can't even seem to move or react. But you don't have to. You hear a strangled "No!", and a figure appears from behind the curtained off portion of the room. As he launches himself at Ari in a form-perfect football tackle, you **know** now that it's Tony. Obviously taken by surprise, Ari only has time to turn slightly before Tony connects, and both of them go flying. You hear an audible crack when Ari's head slams into the concrete floor of the room, Tony on top of him. Neither man moves.

"Tony!"

Slowly, Tony starts to get up. His actions seem uncoordinated as he struggles to his feet, slowly pulling himself upright against your bed. Only then do you see the syringe sticking out of his side – a syringe that has been nearly fully depressed. He fumbles in his pocket and somehow manages to dig out his phone, which he pushes towards you.

"Call Gibbs. Tell him about Ari."

The sound of your earlier scream finally elicits some attention, as a nurse comes running into the room. She takes in the sight of one man lying on the floor, and another struggling to hold himself upright against your bed, and stops, confused.

"The man on the floor is the terrorist who shot me. He came to finish the job. Get someone and restrain him. Now!"

Tony finally collapses to the floor and rolls onto his back, allowing the nurse to see the syringe stuck in his side.

"Tony!"

He mumbles something incoherent, but you manage to catch a few words, "…would rather die … lose you …" before he lapses into unconsciousness.

The nurse slams the code button on the wall and alarms start going off. More medical personnel fill the room within seconds.

The nurse yells at the first person through the door. "Agent DiNozzo has been injected with something. Get him to the ER. Now!"

After a minute another nurse pushes a gurney into the room, and several people lift Tony onto it before rushing him from the room.

"Someone call the SPs. This other guy is a terrorist."

Suddenly remembering the phone, you open it and scroll the speed dial list. You are number one. Gibbs is number two. You hit the send button.

A sleepy voice answers the phone. "Gibbs. This had better be good."

"It's Kate. Get to the hospital now. Ari came to finish the job. Tony knocked him out, but was injected with whatever Ari was going to give me. They've taken him to the ER."

The phone at the other end is disconnected even before you have a chance to end the call yourself. You smile. How typically Gibbs.

Suddenly everything hits you and you start to shake. Tony? Why was Tony here? While there was always hope that it was for the same reason you'd stayed with him when he had plague, could that really be true? And then you remember what he said. _Would rather die than lose you._ You can't even begin to process that at the moment.

Then your room has several armed sailors in it, and they're dragging Ari out the door, oblivious to his head bouncing off the wall as they do so.

"Special Agent Gibbs is on his way. He's going to want first crack at him." You call after them as they leave the room.

And then tiredness overwhelms you as the adrenaline rush ends, and you collapse on the bed. A nurse comes over to check your vitals. "Are you okay, Ms. Todd?"

"Exhausted." Your eyes start to close, but you force them open again. "Is Tony going to be okay?"

The nurse looks up from taking your blood pressure. "They've taken him to the ER. I'm sure they're doing everything they can. He's in the best possible hands."

You fight to stay awake, but you can't resist the encompassing arms of sleep.

* * *

"_Was she hurt at all?"_

"_She wasn't harmed physically by the attack - Agent DiNozzo was able to intervene before anything happened. Apparently the terrorist didn't realize he was in the room."_

"_Have you tracked down Doctor Anderson?"_

"_No."_

"_I'll get another NCIS team on it."_

"_Thank you."_

"_McGee, you stay with Kate until Abby gets here. Ducky is going to be downstairs with Tony. I'll be making sure that bastard doesn't get away again."_

"_Yes, boss."_

_

* * *

_

"_Tony!"_

You're not sure whether you're still dreaming as your eyes slowly open and you begin to make out some details in the room. Morning light filters in through the blinds, giving the room a soft hazy feel. You notice the curtain to your left has been dragged back and the bed is missing. Then the memories of last night come crashing back. Ari had been here to kill you. He'd been going to inject you with something, but Tony had stopped him – and Tony had been injected himself.

"Tony!" you call almost involuntarily.

There is movement in the room and suddenly Abby is beside the bed. "It's okay, Kate. I'm here now. You're okay."

"What happened to Tony, Abby? Is he going to be okay?" You see your friend's expression cloud for a second. "Tell me!"

"He's still unconscious. They worked on him for several hours, and were finally able to stabilize things. He's lucky that they could get him to the ER so quickly."

"He saved my life, Abby. Ari was going to inject me with something, but he injected Tony instead when Tony tackled him." You feel tears running down your cheeks. "He somehow gave me his phone and told me to call Gibbs."

"It's okay, Kate. Ducky's down there with him. He'll let us know if anything happens."

"He didn't really say anything much before he collapsed, but I thought I heard something about him dying rather than losing me. What did he mean, Abby?"

"What do you think he meant, Kate?"

"I don't know."

"Really? Are you sure?"

You shake your head slowly. "I don't know."

"After you were shot, you were in a coma for a week, Kate. Tony stayed with you that whole time. He barely ate. He barely slept. He even told Gibbs to get lost when Gibbs told him get some rest. The first time he left your side was when Ducky finally talked Tony into going home before he got sick again. When he found out that's when you woke up, he was totally guilted out."

The tears are no longer rolling down your cheeks, they're pouring down in uncontrollable torrents.

"Did he say why?"

"Only that he couldn't leave you, the same way you didn't leave him."

You can't hold back the emotion any longer, and the tears turn to sobs as you try and reconcile what Abby has told you. You don't fight as she puts her arms around you, gently cradling your head.

"Tony loves you, Kate."

You think back to when you were last in Bethesda. You had told Brad that you didn't know why you stayed with Tony, putting yourself at grave risk of becoming infected yourself. But deep down you knew that it was because you loved him, and couldn't bear for him to struggle alone through something that had to be absolutely terrifying to a man who needed to face his fears physically. For all that Tony annoyed you, most of the bickering came out of affection rather than any sort of antipathy. Ducky had realized that months ago when he started your 'marriage counselling' sessions, and you had finally realized the fact yourself when Tony's test had come back positive. You could no more bear to lose him than lose yourself.

"I think I love him too, Abby."

"I know." She hugs you a little tighter.

"I need to be able to tell him that. He can't die before I get to tell him."

"I think he knows, Kate. He showed that by staying here with you."

Your crying slowly stops and Abby grabs a tissue for you from the box beside the bed. Your thoughts flick back over Abby's works about Tony and your interaction with him since you'd regained consciousness. There certainly had been something in his eyes that was a lot more than friendship and his joyful reaction at seeing you awake had been something to behold. Perhaps something good would come of all this after all. Then a thought suddenly occurs to you.

"Abby?"

"Mmm?"

"Tony told Gibbs to get lost?"

"I think his actual words were 'Screw you, Gibbs!', why?"

"And he lived to tell the tale?"

"Yup." Abby grinned. "That has to be a first."

* * *

"_How's Kate doing, Abbs?"_

"_Hanging in there, boss-man. She really wants to know what's happening with Tony though."_

"_Ducky says he's still out of it."_

"_Hello, Abby. Jethro. Yes, unfortunately young Tony is still comatose."_

"_Is he going to recover, Ducky?"_

"_He's very lucky. The needle contained a massive dose of succinylcholine and it's only because they were able to get him on a respirator so quickly that he's still alive."_

"_Ducky!"_

"_It's a muscle relaxant, and an overdose meant that he couldn't even breathe for himself. He'll have to stay on the respirator until all the succinylcholine has been excreted from his system, which will be a day or so. If that bastard had been able to inject Caitlin instead, it's likely nobody would have noticed until it was too late."_

"_Will he suffer any side effects?"_

"_It's not likely. Muscle relaxants are regularly used as part of surgery. Once it's all out of his system, he should be fine – though they'll likely want to monitor him for a couple of days to make sure there are no complications."_

"_Duck-man, do you think Tony and Kate could share a room?"_

"_I don't see why not - once he's out of ICU anyway."_

_

* * *

_

Your day passes fairly slowly as you wait for news of Tony. Abby had been able to stay with you for a while since the capture of Ari meant that Gibbs no was longer breathing down her neck to process the smallest amount of trace evidence. She'd also found the time to pick up a fairly unique looking scarf that you could wear over your head. It probably wasn't exactly what you would have chosen had you had the opportunity to shop yourself, but it was touching that she'd wanted to get you something special.

Your mother also spent quite a bit of time with you – fortunately not asking any difficult questions about why Tony had been there so much. He's not the man that you had mentioned you were dating when you last spoke to her before being shot, and you were glad that she had been happy just to see that you were conscious and had your memory back. She was staying at your apartment though, and intended to do so while you were getting back on your feet. The doctors had said it would probably be at least a week before you'd be able to go home, and that would depend entirely on how well you were able to move around. You'd also probably be off work for a couple of months, which would be about the longest you'd ever not worked since quitting law school. Your hair would look better then, though still very short, and you imagined you'd spend a lot of time wearing a ball cap over the course of the next year.

"Penny for them, Kate?"

You look over at Abby, who had put down the magazine she was reading. "Just thinking about hair."

"It'll grow back. And you'll look great with short hair."

"I know. I just haven't had short hair since elementary school."

It's hard to broach the real conversation topic you want to discuss, but you know Abby is the best person to talk to about it. In some ways it's almost like diving in front of a bullet - you know it's going to hurt, but it has to be done.

"What am I going to say to Tony, Abby?"

"How do you mean?"

"You know what Tony's like – always chasing the next skirt. Flirting with every attractive woman he meets. High speed dating is too slow for him. How can I tell him what I feel, and know that I'm not going to be simply the flavour of the week?"

"I think you're underestimating Tony."

"How can you say that? You know what he's like."

Abby sits down next to you on the bed. "Do you know what Tony does every night?"

"I don't want to know, Abby. I hear enough from Tony as it is."

"I'm serious, Kate. When you and Tony were in isolation, Gibbs had me check the security footage for the squad room. Tony came back to work around midnight and didn't leave until nearly two. From Gibbs reaction, I got the impression that Tony does that a lot."

"He what?"

"Remember when you were complaining to me about that case when the eyes showed up in the mail, and you wanted to know how Tony knew so much without doing anything all morning?"

"You don't think …"

"He probably came in and worked at night on the case."

That would certainly explain how he was able to make you look bad. "You're right. He probably did."

"And how many other times has Tony surprised you with information on a case that you thought he'd never had time to look up?"

"Quite a few - and more often recently." You look at Abby. "You don't think he's working at night instead of doing what it is that we assume he's doing, do you?"

"Who is called most often if a case comes up overnight?"

"Tony, I guess. But what difference does that …"

"You see what I'm getting at? Tony is a lot more reliable than he likes to pretend. I think a lot of how he acts is just a way of him letting off steam - and diffusing tension."

"Oh come on."

"Think about it, Kate. You know Gibbs wouldn't keep Tony around unless there was a lot more to him than is obvious."

"I guess. And Tony does seem to come up with some good ideas, stuff that's pretty much out of the blue."

"So what's the bet that some of his other behaviour isn't quite what it seems to be?"

"I'd never thought about it that way."

"I think that's the point. Tony likes people to underestimate him. I've known him for nearly four years, and I know that he's an important part of the team - someone that Gibbs would trust with his life, as would I. That isn't the sort of trust you get if you just goof off all the time."

"It's a lot to think about."

"And you know that you laugh when other guys say the same things Tony says. It's just when Tony says them that you start jabbing him in the stomach. What's with that?"

"I .. I don't know."

"Perhaps it's your way of trying to block out what's right in front of you."

* * *

"_Is Tony going to be okay now?"_

"_He's recovered enough muscle control that he can breathe on his own. It will be another day or so before he's walking again, but I don't foresee any complications."_

"_Thank you, Doctor."_

"_Please try not to be too loud. Ms. Todd needs to rest as well. Her road to recovery is going to be much longer, though I think she's probably clear of any major hurdles at this point."_


	3. Light

**Light**

* * *

You wake to find that your room has another occupant again – Tony. You figure they must have moved him in from ICU during the night, and you wonder how much hand a certain friend of yours may have had in organising that. You smile at the thought of Abby trying to talk the medical staff into putting Tony in the same room as you.

Getting up isn't easy, but the Doctor said that you could try and move around a little on your own – small things like going to the bathroom. You decide now is as good a time as any to try. Walking is still a bit like traversing the deck of a ship weathering moderate seas, but not impossible. After using the bathroom, you slowly make your way over to where Tony is still sleeping.

He's always looked remarkably peaceful when sleeping, something unexpected given how animated he usually is when he's awake. In some ways it's comforting to realize that even Tony has to rest occasionally. In other ways it almost makes you worry that he's not going to wake up – like when he had the plague. All he did was lie there unmoving, sounding rather like Darth Vader – a reference to which you'd never willingly admit. You take his right hand in yours, as you did back then, and move your left up and down his arm, somehow providing a more tangible link to his well-being. As you do so, his eyes slowly open and turn towards yours.

"Hey, Tony."

He smiles a very tired looking smile. "Captain Jack."

"What?"

"You look like Captain Jack."

"What on earth are you talking about, Tony?"

He closes his eyes, while his smile grows slightly broader. "Captain Jack Sparrow from _Pirates of the Caribbean._ Played by Johnny Depp."

You groan. "Not movies already."

"But you look like him with that scarf on your head."

You can't help but laugh - and have to resist the urge to hit him. He opens his eyes and looks at you, his expression serious, though his green eyes are sparkling mischievously.

"I liked the _GI Jane_ look too."

This time you do slap him on the shoulder and give him a mock glare which you can only hold for a second before smiling again. Then it's your turn to look serious.

"Thank you, Tony."

"For what?"

"For staying with me. For saving me."

He looks faintly embarrassed, something that's unusual in the man who continually brags about his sex life.

"You did the same for me. How could I do any less?"

* * *

"_DiNozzo?"_

"_Yeah, boss?"_

"_What's going on between you and Kate?"_

"_What? I don't know what you mean."_

"_Rule twelve."_

"_We're not dating, boss!"_

"_So what **is** happening?"_

"_Nothing. We're friends. I'm just making sure she's okay."_

"_Make sure it stays that way. What I said when I hired her hasn't changed."_

_

* * *

_

Your mother stayed with you the first month after you were released. Much as you hated to admit it, you really needed her to be there. You could mostly get around on your own, but got tired very easily, and there was certainly no way you were up to preparing meals. It was also nice to be waited on - something that hadn't happened since long before you'd started law school. After a month, your energy levels had finally increased to the point where you figured you'd be okay on your own, and your mother decided she'd needed to go and rescue the house from your father. But instead of being left on your own, Tony stepped in almost exactly where your mother had left off.

He obviously wasn't available all the time, due to the hours that Gibbs kept him working, but he stopped by at least three times a week to cook for you – surprisingly well as you discovered. He'd also made sure that you had some company, and you'd found yourself watching many of the movies that he'd spent the previous two years of your life telling you about. You were again surprised to find they weren't actually all that bad, and you enjoyed most of them. In addition, Tony also made sure you got out and about, and weren't just trapped indoors. He'd taken you to several small parks along the George Washington Parkway with gorgeous views of the Potomac. Other places you'd gone were Rock Creek State Park, Great Falls National Park, and Huntley Meadows Park in Mount Vernon – all sorts of places you'd never been around DC, despite having lived in the area for so long.

On this particular day, the last weekend before you returned to NCIS, he'd decided that the place to go was Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson. Expecting just a museum, you were surprised at the beauty of the gardens and the grove, despite the somewhat oppressive early August heat. It was just nice to get out and feel alive, especially as you walked among the trees and looked out across the valley, holding Tony's hand as you admired the view. Strangely, Tony seemed somewhat subdued.

"What's wrong, Tony?"

He sighed. "You're coming back to work on Monday."

"Why is that bad?"

He sighed again, stopped, and turned to face you, still holding your hand. "Because things have to change."

And then it hit you. "But we can still –"

"No, Kate. We can't."

"But why not?"

Tony rubbed his free hand across his face. "Gibbs."

"He's talked to you already, hasn't he?"

Tony nodded. "He said that what he told you when he hired you still stands."

You remember the night you resigned from the Secret Service, walking across the parking lot at Andrews Air Force Base, and Gibbs jogging up behind you to make a bizarre job offer. _Pull that crap at NCIS, and I won't give you a chance to resign_. You look down at your hand in Tony's, and then up at his face.

"But we're not –"

"Yes we are. We're dating without actually doing the dating part."

Thinking back across the last few weeks, you realize that Tony is right. You've been deceiving yourself, simply enjoying the company of a man you know you love, and who obviously loves you back, even though you'd never admitted it to each other. It's like you'd somehow jumped past the sexual aspects, and arrived at the apex to which most relationships could only aspire – true, deep, abiding friendship.

"What are we going to do?"

You watch as Tony reaches up his hand to hold your face, his fingers rubbing across the short hair that is hidden under your hat. You thrill at the sensation of his touch, something that you haven't felt from someone you've been in a relationship with in a long time.

"I don't know." His eyes stare down into yours, overwhelming you with waves of emotion – friendship, desire, caring, but most powerfully of all, love. "I know I don't want to go to work and not see you there, but I also don't want to take away what's developed between us. I'd resign today, but I can't bear the thought of not being able to see you; to watch over you; to protect you."

You lift your hand to cover his, holding it against your face. "I want to be with you every day as well."

"But we can't date. Gibbs will fire one of us if we do. And there is no way that I want to transfer anywhere else, or be part of any other team."

"We'll have to just see where it goes. What else can we do?"

"I want to be your best friend, Kate, but if you want to date someone else, you can. I'll still be there for you. Always."

"You're already my best friend, Tony, and I certainly don't want to date anyone else."

"Well I do have one big advantage over the guys you usually try and date."

Your mind races with all the possible things that he could say, apart from the obvious fact that you love him, but comes up blank. "What's that?"

He grins. "I'm Catholic."

You can't help but laugh. "Yes Tony, you are."

Tony's eyes suddenly are filled with a mischievous gleam. "You know, you never did tell me if you still have that uniform."

"Pervert!" You feign seriousness, but end up having to smile. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He grins, that thousand-megawatt grin that could sweep any woman off her feet, but is intended only for you. "One day I hope I'll find out."

You squeeze his hand and look into his eyes. "So do I."

**END**

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